I Know You Want To Stay In Bed But It's Light Outside

Ever had something that just makes you happy? It can be a person or a place, or even a thing. Some may like books and reading makes them happy, or maybe it's that one guy that you can never get enough of.

Personally for me it's colorguard. I guess that it is the only thing that has made me feel that I'm good at something. There is no feeling that can ever compare to that feeling that you get when you are on the field set to begin the show...the nerves and the energy could just swallow you up and take you over. Yet you have to stay calm, composed and perfect. Then the feeling at the end...the way that you can't remeber anything that happened in the last eight minutes of your life....thats the feeling that I live for. You are on top of the world and nothing can change that for atleast the next ten minutes while everyone else around you is just as tired and just as amazed at themselves.

And eventually you are all one big family. Yeah, one very crazy, diffrent, slightly messed up family, but a family none the less. You have laughed together, cried together, and felt like you were going to die when you have a five hour marching block ahead of you. But you have bonded because of the pain. You have become this force that no one can break. And these moments with my guard family, and my band family, are the moments that I really do not ever want to forget.

Sorry about the lack of updates. I went camping for my family reunion and then I went straight into pre-band camp. Nine hours a day of marching which will lead into next week which is thirteen hours a day for six days. Crazyness....But I love it!!!!

Love you all. And have a fantastic week!!!!


"In all this chaos we found saftey."

And All The Girls Girls Girls They Be Walking Around, They Wear Their Glamour Kills

Well the past few days have been pretty good. Here are some reasons why:

1)Well I finally got to habg out with a friend that I haven't seen in what seems like forever!

2) Finally went to the doctor to figure out what is up with my knee! (Won't know the results until Thursday =[ )

3) We now have a Sephora in our local mall.

4) I have found the most hilarious videos on youtube. And I love them.

5)I have let go of this stupid guy that was holding me back. He can have a nice life and his current girlfriend can live with my sloppy seconds.

Well I thought that I should let you all know this =] I love you all. But mayve I should go to sleep sometime soon because I have to be up in like seven hours. But I won't proabbly fall asleep until two hours before I have to wake up. Ohhh this shall be a hott mess. Oh well. Night! Love you all! Again!

" ' Have a nice life!' Ahh.Who am I kidding? I hope you get hit by a moving truck"

She Screams For More, More Than Just Some Blue Eyed Metaphor

Sorry about not updating. Just been bust lately and everything is hectic.

Been having one of those times where I can't stop thinking about things that happened. Yeah I know, "stop worrying about the people in your past theres a reason they didn't make it to your future". But what happens when you have this feeling that they should still be here. And this feeling isn't just in your heart but in your gut. You can feel that you still need them, that they should still be in your life somehow. I've been thinking this about a guy...but I know that there is no way that we could even be friends again. His girlfriend would get soooo pissed if I even texted him. But I was his girlfriend first(even though we never acted like we were going out, just really good friends). Personally I think that we were never supposed to go out, that we were suppsed to stay friends. But of course that didn't happen. So we will just have to see how this all works out here...

Just to make sure... I have nooo intentions of dating this guy again. Just being friends.

Went to the doctors the other day because I have knee problems. I have X-rays, but they didn't show the problem. So I have to go in for and MRI later this week. Hope all goes well so that I can still march this year!

"We stopped looking for monters under the bed once we realized that they were inside of us."

They Never Bothered With Her Dreams, Only Thinking Of Theirs

Hello there, been a while. This picture, yeah the one right above this text, is pretty cool in my opinion. Just to see how bright everything is in the US and where everyone is. Ever since I went to Boston a few years ago with my school orchestra, I've been thinking how cool it would be to live in a big city on the east coast. Like Boston or New York City. Anyone live in a big city? Is it nice to have all of those other people around?

Then there is the country. Wide open spaces full of beauty and amazing things. No people around you. All of the privacy that you could want with almost as many trees as there are stars. Could have as many horses as anyone could dream of. That also something that I would really like. To live where there is hardly anyone around. All I would do is probably ride horses all day.

Oh, it has been a long few days. As weird as it sounds, I have been eating more that I typically do. Not normal for me. Maybe it is just the whole summer thing? But still, even though I say that I have been eating more than normal that doesn't necessarily mean a lot. Even eating more than normal for me, that is a normal persons "not eating a lot". I'm just weird in that way.

Well I hope that everyone has a great next few days. I will try to update more, but I may be going up north for the weekend. Lova ya!

"The question isn't, who is going to let me; the question is, who is going to stop me."

Mayday, Mayday, Someone Save Me

Some people say that being alone is a time where they can think without all of the talking and the nonsense that occur in their everyday life. Others say its a time where they can catch up on things that they never had the time to do. And some like it because it allows them the chance to think. I thought that I was one of the people in that last category that I just mentioned. Oh how wrong I really was. As it turns out, being alone is probably the worst place for me to be at this time in my life. Allowing someone like me the time to reflect upon what has happened and things that they have done is probably one of the worst ideas that anyone could ever have.

Now realizing this, I don't really talk to people when I am around them. Or open up. Not liking to focus on myself because I don't care about myself. Thinking about it now, I am begining to realize that maybe I just like that feeling. That secure feeling that there is someone else in the same room or general vacinity that can understand you in atleast one way, shape, or form. Someone that won't judge you if you are talking a lot, or even if you dont utter one word at all. They know who you are and can understand that you are diffrent and things aren't the same with you. That you may be a little more fragile, or a little too insecure, or that you may just be scared, scared to death that someone is going to come around again and tear your whole world to shreds. And that at the moment is what I need.

Of course I realized it too late though. Those people are away at camp, or leading new lives with people who quite frankly don't like me for some reason, or they are even in a diffrent state. But I still need them. But unfortunatly the next time that one of them asks what is wrong this will be the time that I remember. The time that they weren't here, at the time when I needed them the most. And that is something that I hate about myself... I only seem to really rememeber the times that someone wasn't there, not all of the times that they were.

"I'm on the verge of of breaking down. The strength I have to hold myself together is slowly fading away. I just need somebody, somebody to lean on. I feel so alone and I hate it. Save me, please"

But Our Footprints Washed Away From The Docks Downtown

Wow. It seems like it has been forever. It was just that I was up north for a while and then I get back and I have all of this stuff to get done around the house.

Did everyone like the fireworks? I hope that everyone did. Watching them from every angle possible I began thinking about a few things while I was on the beach with all of the people that I love. One thing was how bad are all of these fireworks polluting the smoke was bad. And since I was watching them on the beach they were being shot into the water, are those shells going to affect the wildlife at all?.

If you hadn't already guessed I wasn't exactly "home" for the 4th. But where I was.... feels like another home to me. Everyone there is so warm and loving and we always have so much fun whenever we go up there. And there is this guy up there. You see, I liked him like two years ago (I spend almost every weekend every summer with him and his family). But because of someone things happening last summer I didn't really like him all that much. Then I go up there this year and I am so confused! I thought that I didn't like him one bit! So how is this? Did I just suddeny remeber something that made me like him again? Or was it the way that he smiled at me when I was returning that dog leash that he left over at our cottage? Either way I cannot wait to go up there again and have funn on the beach...and see him.

Hope you all have a wonderful day!!!


"So here's to loving him while he's loving her."

A Broken Heart Is Not What I Wanted From This, But I Guess I've Learned From It

Above is what I have decided. So I have quite a few problems and I am trying to work through all of them. But there were some people in my life up until quite recently that I thought were helping me. Until I realized that they were actually hindering me from getting better. Not like I'm proud of how I got my point across to these people, but it had to be done.
Have you ever had that happen? Where you just can't stand people speaking of the past over and over again and bringing so many things back up? Well that's what was happening. I just need to let go of my past and move on. I can't keep living in it. It isn't coming back. Fuck the people that aren't currently in my life. There is a reason that they diddn't make it into my life now. Not saying that if they want to come back into it they can't...but until that happens I'm not going to waste my time with these people.

I can't believe that it is July already. Seems like it is going much to fast. I am most definatly ready for my few days up north this weekend. Just laying on the beach with great people around me, the water, and of course the boys.

Well I should get going, I have a French Horn lesson later today and I think that I should get some last minute practicing in. Have a great day =]


"Sometimes, you gotta teach yourself how to get up from a hard fall, cause if you call for someone's help they just might push you back down."

When I Turn Jet Black And You Show Off Your Light, I Live To Let You Shine

Well I love how days can start off being the best ever and then they just turn out horrible. I think that it is just a law of nature. As soon as something actually starts going good in your life and you are starting to be happy for the first time in a long time. Someone or something always has to come around and ruin it.

Went swimming with my friend this morning. Met two new friends. One is in the form of a cute white dog named Izzy and the other is in the form of a cute little bird named... Well I'm not even going to try to spell it.

Then I come home and suddenly I am labeled as a horrible person. Never can I do anything right in other peoples eyes. Well I'm sorry that when someone gets me excited for something that they have played up for a long time how can I not feel crushed when they say that it isn't happening. Then I get told that I am a horrible person and shouldn't be here because I try to tell them to stop getting my hopes up. I swear it makes no sense what so ever in my mind.

"and she's got bite marks on her tongue for all the things she never said. "

So Tonight, Sweet Dreams and Sleep Tight

I am very sorry. It has been awhile.. oops. I've just been very tired lately. Lots of stuff going on because it is summer and all.. ya know? Does anyone even read this? Well whatever I don't mind. Its just a fun things to be able to put what I do onto.

So I shall go into more detail tomorrow but at the moment I feel like I'm going to die from lack of sleep =P Just kiddinggg.

One of my good friends had a party tonight. Personally it was the most interesting one yet. Can't wait for the next one. Its like... you know you had a really good time when you can't tell your parentals what you did. Does anyone else like parties like that?? I'm not talking like booze and such... just having so much random crazy fun that you know if you told your parents they would think that you are crazy, or down right stupid.

Well good night! Love you all. I hope that you all have fantastic days =]=]

"Which is worse: the heart breaker that won't stop calling or the broken hearted that keeps picking up?"

The Whole World Is Moving And I Am Standing Still

Yesterday was a good day. Woke up with Maggie at five in the morning so that we could go work out. Went to this Pure Barre class. Let me tell you... If you want to lose weight, or get toned, or whatever, then you should take this class. I most definatly feel it today and I feel amazing! Plus the music that they play is loud and it keep you going.

Other than that I went to Barnes and Noble yeterday(BEST STORE EVER!!!) Got two books. Anybody ever read GlitterGlass?? Just curious. Drove my mom around town. No I didn't come close to hitting anoyone =P

Well today is a new brilliant day. I am off to my friends house to go swimming. I will not get sunburnt again... ughh. That was really horrible.

Well, have a fantastic day!

"I passed him over the next couple of years, we'd smile and wave. But I didn't feel a thing for him, and there was no difficult period of forgetting him or getting over him. Which made me wonder if I had ever loved him..."

Yeah He's A Looker But I Think It's Guts That Matter Most

The past few days have been lovely. I spent much needed quality time with one of my best friends, Maggie. Quite a few things happened. But I will only name a few, because I need to sleep... for once.

Number One- "I was tempted to run over her lawn." Well... I was driving today and Maggie showed me this house... and this one girl happens to live at this house. Now this girl, well, we don't like her so much. She has been pretty rude to us in the past. I said that I was really tempted to take my moms car and drive up on her lawn and ruin it. So this reminded Maggie of how when she was with her driving instructor he said that she could do that and probably not get in trouble because she had the student driver tags on her car. So that is that.

Number Two- "It was a flying turtle mosquito!" So this one... Well, I have an older brother and he had some friends over today. Some how we got on the subject of how there were suposedly once these big bugs in my basement. Who knows what my brother was doing... O.o). So then that turned into how one of the boys was in Ohio and this "turtle bug" flew at his head. So then all of a sudden this other guy jumps up and say "Look at this turtle on my phone!!". So finally Maggie than points out how she says mosquito diffrently. So then we just connected the dots.

Well I am extrememly tired at the moment. Of course we stayed up til five in the morning and then woke up at one. BUt then last night we went to bed at around three and then had to wake up at seven thirty. So yeah...didn't get much sleep at all. But it was a lot of fun =]

I think that I just lied. I think I'm going to go take a midnight shower! =D

"Live, think and act for today. Tomorrow may be too late. "

The Fish Swam Out Of The Ocean And Grew Legs And They Started Walking

Hello Hello. Happy Happy Day.

My friend and I did stay up until five in the morning and then woke up at one. Walked to go get breakfast and then did some shopping. At one of the store there were two guys working. I bought a water and it came to one dollar and six cents. The guy paid the six cents for me...then as we were walking away we clearly heard this guy say, "Well if we had more customers like those...". It was a good day. Then we were being Facebook creepers on someone that neither one of us like and saw a guy that we do like has said, "Stop talking to me. Kthnxbai." That most definatly made my day.

Now we are off to have another fantastic day together. Have a great day.



"She’s got this subtle beauty where she knows what you’re thinking but she doesn’t let you know she’s got you figured out. "

Write Your Destination In Pencil, But Your Journey In Pen

Sorry for the few days without a post. Kinda busy.

I am in the colorguard at my school and we had a mini camp for the past three days. Of course on the first day I got the worst sunburn of my life. Jinxed myself by saying that I never burn. But it was definatly fun. Got to see all of my friends for the last time that I will see them until August.

Anyone here a dancer? Just wondering. I love dancing and such. That feeling that you get when you can go into your own little world and feel completely at home. People can just look at you and see your emotions pouring from your movement. There are no questions and no wondering, just you moving through space. It is truely beautiful.

Was wondering yesterday if some people even cared about somethings. Or about me. So I decided that I would ask. They said that they did... To bad I had a hard time believe that what they said was true. So I guess that this is just one of those times where I'm going to have to wait it out and see what happens.

"And just like iPods, hearts all over the world are being played."

I'm On The Pursuit Of Happiness and I Know, Everything That Shines Ain't Always Gonna Be Gold

This weekend was a pretty good weekend. I really love the first weekend of summer.
Went up north and spent time with my Aunt and my Mom. Went shopping and got a few random little things. Spent most of the time sitting out in the deck. It was really cold though so I stayed in my brothers flannel shirt with a blanket on. My Aunts friends kid came over. He reminded me of the boy that I'm trying to get over.

I watched the Titanic too. Oh my goodness I forgot how sad of a movie that it was. Have you ever had one of those moments when your watching something and you remeber how it used to be with someone? ell thats what happened to me. I remebered how it felt when my ex would wrap his arms around me and how nice it felt. Made me kind of sad to remeber that he is now happier with my "best friend" than her ever was with me.


Anyways...I have a really fun week coming up! Fill you in when everything happens.


"If I could wish one thing, I'd hear you saying my name."

In Ten Weeks You Shaped It, In One Night You Murdered It

Well today has been an okay day =] It was the last day of school. Proud to say that I did not fail any exams even in Honors Bio!

Going to go up north soon. I really need some time to think. Have you just ever need time to think and not have anyone around you? To just sit in the peace and quiet of nature and let your mind be free. Also have you ever needed a time when you aren't tired? I realize that I don't sleep that much anyways but still? Maybe a little bit more sleep that three hours a night could do me some good?

Also never again shall I trust a person like I did before. All they are going to do it break you and hurt you. And I know that sometime the pain is worth it. But this time it was truely pointless. This person did nothing to really help me. They said that they changed and then they go right back to the way that they were before. So I hope that this person won't miss me...because I don't need that in my life. I just need some calm in the middle of this storm.

Have a great day everyone =] I will be back either late Saturday or Sunday.

"I wish I could forget you like you forgot me"

But I Hold On To Your Secrets In White Houses

Well hello! I just got this blog. Just wanted someplace to say things. Who knows what could happen with it. Just kind of thinking of it as a little experiment. =]

Been pretty busy lately with exams at school and all. I finished one today and I have four more to go. Should probably be studying at this moment...but I'm not.
Today I got my permit!!!! So I drove my dads truck home. It was...interesting to say the least?? Needless to say when we got home he had to repark it in the driveway. I couldn't get it straight and there was no way that my moms car was fitting into the spot that I gave her.

Anyways. I hope that you all have a dashing day. In two days more post will be up.(Thats the last day of school!)

"Words are the most powerful drug used by mankind."