Mayday, Mayday, Someone Save Me

Some people say that being alone is a time where they can think without all of the talking and the nonsense that occur in their everyday life. Others say its a time where they can catch up on things that they never had the time to do. And some like it because it allows them the chance to think. I thought that I was one of the people in that last category that I just mentioned. Oh how wrong I really was. As it turns out, being alone is probably the worst place for me to be at this time in my life. Allowing someone like me the time to reflect upon what has happened and things that they have done is probably one of the worst ideas that anyone could ever have.

Now realizing this, I don't really talk to people when I am around them. Or open up. Not liking to focus on myself because I don't care about myself. Thinking about it now, I am begining to realize that maybe I just like that feeling. That secure feeling that there is someone else in the same room or general vacinity that can understand you in atleast one way, shape, or form. Someone that won't judge you if you are talking a lot, or even if you dont utter one word at all. They know who you are and can understand that you are diffrent and things aren't the same with you. That you may be a little more fragile, or a little too insecure, or that you may just be scared, scared to death that someone is going to come around again and tear your whole world to shreds. And that at the moment is what I need.

Of course I realized it too late though. Those people are away at camp, or leading new lives with people who quite frankly don't like me for some reason, or they are even in a diffrent state. But I still need them. But unfortunatly the next time that one of them asks what is wrong this will be the time that I remember. The time that they weren't here, at the time when I needed them the most. And that is something that I hate about myself... I only seem to really rememeber the times that someone wasn't there, not all of the times that they were.

"I'm on the verge of of breaking down. The strength I have to hold myself together is slowly fading away. I just need somebody, somebody to lean on. I feel so alone and I hate it. Save me, please"